The Kindness Challenge

Friendship is explored in books in so many interesting, diverse and thought-provoking ways. Picture books provide a valuable springboard from which to talk about what kindness and friendship mean.

• Through the prism of loss – stories like Waiting for Wolf or The Memory Tree explore friendship in the context of grief and remembrance.
• Light-hearted comradeship – books such as The Squirrels Who Squabbled capture the fun and playful side of being friends.
• Transformative kindness and companionship – titles including The Sea in the Way, Who Will Comfort Toffle, and The Boy with Flowers in His Hair highlight the deeper power of loyalty and care.

The examples are endless, the opportunities bountiful, so here are just a few starting points…

Cyril the squirrel and Pat the rat start as great friends, but the differences between them are used – by others – as reasons that they shouldn’t be together, and Pat is pushed out.

This funny, rhyming book has all the hallmarks of a very light approach to friendship, which is useful in its own right, but there’s a deeper message should it be of value: that friendship transcends what we look like and how we might identify ourselves. Difference (in any guise) is no barrier to friendship, and sometimes it is the most unlikely person who makes the very best friend.

Sylvia and Bird are best friends though from different worlds – literally, so this is another look at the power of alliances from seemingly different “tribes”. By using animal species, or in this case, a mix of real and mythical creatures (e.g. a dragon and a bird), picture books are able to visualise difference and contrast without being confronting or threatening. It’s a very real concept represented in a magical, unreal context. But ultimately, Sylvia and Bird is a moving account of the power of loyalty and how that feature defines friendship for some.

Pippi is a fascinating role model for girls, she shows us what it looks like to be strong, independent, brave and crucially kind:

She is unfailingly kind. She shares everything she has. She treats everyone she meets the same. She is non-judgemental and generous. But she is also confident, self-assured and capable. These qualities make her usual for her time (she was created by Astrid Lindgren in 1947), but also really valuable to explore in the context of kindness and what we want from friends. Everyone would do well to have a friend like Pippi, and do even better to be a friend like Pippi.

Often friendship is explored through the context of loneliness – the capacity of finding someone in an otherwise lonely, isolating world. But the fear and otherness that loneliness can manifest often creates distance, and makes friendship more unobtainable. Wolf Girl hides behind her wolf suit, scared of rejection in the real world, she waits for a fantasy pack of her own to find her. But when she is faced with behaviour she recognises as a manifestation of loneliness, she knows what to do.

Being open and accepting of kindness is an interesting angle – in the context of vulnerability. Being in need of friendship, help or kindness can in itself make us feel very exposed and naked. It’s not until Bear makes a friend that he finds the help he needs. He is, in every sense, rescued.

Salvation is an important theme of friendship in books, but it’s interesting to think about the solace books themselves can offer. Sometimes, having our overwhelming feelings reflected unobtrusively and kindly in a book can be so reassuring and illuminating. It can make us feel un-alone, perhaps in a way – or at a time – that is challenging in real life. With that in mind, I’ll end where I began.

When I emigrated, I felt very much at sea (so to speak) for the best part of a year. Picking up The Sea in the Way in a remote bookshop, was like a friend had placed an arm around me – it spoke to all my feelings of loss and fear and hope, making the darkness feel recognised and understood. It cast a brightness and a warmth not unlike a hug. Not a physical one, but a real one none the less.

So, as we approach the NSPCC’s Kindness Challenge at the beginning of October, finding the right book for your class – or someone in it who is particularly in need – might itself be the biggest act of kindness.